the ad agency secret formula

a mercenary's guide

to enslaving  and overcharging clients

*** for ad agency eyes only -- not for clients ***

  1. On prices, start in the stratosphere. So high their eyes roll back in their head, you hear their heart go into arrhythmia and they lose their breath. No matter where you land, you'll still make money.
  2. Dude, if you can surf the web, you can sell ads on the web. Repeat after me . . . "we can make that happen." Sell it first, then figure it out. Digital is no big deal.
  3. No one knows how this ad crap actually works. Put the awards spiel on repeat whenever anyone mentions ROI or any of those MBA favorites. They can't tell the difference between the know-nothing award-happy associations, so they all give cover.
  4. Nothing's really changed. Web, TV, whatever. They're still sheep and you're still the wolf. Have you looked into something digital, say, maybe an online animation?
  5. That's a great idea! Expensive meals, free tickets, and lots of sucking up. Every client can be plied with the must-have ticket or executive meal, um, Per Se. Just delegate this stuff but it really must happen.
  6. Sure it's their nickel, but they're so screwed up you pretty much always have the upper hand. You can keep the high res or good versions in house, so they always have to beg you (and you can bill them upcharges, while doing a bit of sucking up and pretending you're doing them a favor by giving them what they already own - beautiful, huh?).
  7. If you have above a 60 IQ, you know that there's always some poor guy offshore who will work for the cost of a Happy Meal. So what if you're in a Peter Marino designed office, in NYC. Here's your chance to lower costs and pink slip your least favorite underlings, all while taking your rates even higher. Ka-ching.
  8. The real key - just connect with the egomaniac in the corner office. He's coasting to retirement, but it doesn't matter. Just keep him happy and you're in.
  9. Demean and kill anything that doesn't come from "the creatives." We all know clients are dumb ass, soul-less corporate tools. Cultivate the myth. Even though your MBA clients might want to see 20 different logo treatments, narrow everything down to three choices. Then stare smugly and force them to choose. You won't believe how easy it is.
  10. Doing this work is BS that's really for newbies just out of school. Any moron can create an ad. Your job is to go to lunches and crush the egos of your underlings, not get your hands dirty. You're above it.



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